privilege is a bitch

today in class my professor went around the class and asked us why we chose to study latin american history... ten minutes of bullshit... "life circumstances brought me to it." "friends from summer camp got me interested in the culture, though i'm afraid to visit the country because of its violence" [are u serious???] "i know that memories of the period are still fresh and there are a lot of untapped resources" R U FUCKING SERIOUS???!!! no, you are not studying people in latin america simply because of life circumstances, intrigue with the culture, or a love for the people; you study latin america because of something either deeply personal or extremely superficial and based on preconcived ideas of the region.

here's a summary of my response:
professor: Takkara, what do you wish to study in latin america?
takkara: race, class, and gender in Cuba.
p: why?
t: because race,class, and gender is how i define my life.
p: why Cuba?
t: well latin america because of the common history of slavery. cuba because of the parallels in social developments with the united states. i'm fascinated by the similarities and differences...

see the difference? no "i fell in love with the culture while i lived there." no "untapped archival documents to be analyzed." my research is personal and i have no shame. i wouldn't dare say i love salsa because the beat is bangin' (though it may be true for others). i love salsa because its sexy and sensual and, most of all, exotic. ... i'm through with this topic for the day... i'm sure i'll be back to it in the future.

can i just get this semester over with!

every time i look up i think, damn, i'm still in school... not that i'm upset that i've been in school for the past twenty-ish years and still going strong, but that i've been busting my ass (sort of) for the past several months... and it's still not over. i broke down about a month ago and lost all motivation. the only thing that keeps me going is the desire to finish strong. my classes are getting on my nerves. i have so much damn work that i never get to put the necessary effort into my weekly papers (though part of that is my own fault- i spend a little too much time being social during the weekends). the white students in my english class spend the majority of the class talking about form, imagery, and symbolism without jumping into the racial politics that shape the period we're studying... i'm just not trying to commend the use of primitivism in literature of the harlem renaissance and negritude movement as a "subversion of stereotypes" when the majority of readers were/are white and allowed such writings to reinforce their ideas of black inferiority. and i'm so bogged down by my work for my monday and tuesday classes that i never get to invest the amount of time necessary to really take in and analyze the readings for my wednesday class. ah, the life of a grad student... i could have worse problems. maybe that's why i'm not stressing like i normally would.

oh, and a random comment... i slept on marques houston; that song "naked" is secretly on point. maybe it's just me...

yes, i've been in hiding... with a man. his name is martin and he's wonderful. i'm having a hard time thinking about anything besides him and school. life is fabulous...