thoughts on raising black girls

i wish that instead of being taught to keep our legs closed/wait until marriage/not give away the milk without the purchase of the cow (and all of the bullshit that they've fed us throughout our lives) we were empowered to view and treat our bodies as our property. i write this not to reinforce discourses that treat women's bodies as commodities for rent or purchase, but to break with the notion that anyone but us might have control over accessing our most intimate mental, emotional and physical spaces. i also send a resounding "fuck you" to the structures of oppresion (and people) that sustain the following ideas and practices:

- that there are times and places when women and girls must ignore their their discomfort with sexist behaviors as to avoid making those in the room feel awkward
- that we need to "tone down" our "outspoken" and "aggressive" attitudes so that we may attract or keep good men
- that men are the only viable option for life partners
- using the Bible to shame our sexual behaviors, while refuing to engage in critical dialogues of how popular culture defines our value soley on the terms of our sexual capabilities (or perhaps the more appropriate term might be sexual services)
- that only marriage validates sexual relationships and birthing babies
- that it's not okay to be angry about patriarchy and misogyny
- failing to hold men accountable when they disrespect women and girls or treat the responsibilities of sex and/or relationships seriously, but blaming women for being active, getting raped, catching STIs, or becoming pregnant
- that we are our father's property
- holding double standards of any kind
- conditioning girls to become women who are afraid or reluctant to voice their concerns in order to "keep the peace" or avoid "being difficult" within relationships
- conditioning girls to become women who place everyone else's wants and needs before theirs
- not demading that we be comfortable with our bodies, stop to ask ourselves how we are feeling, and seek help when things are not okay
- for encouraging competition amongst ourselves for men, friends, and material gain
- teaching us that only women with long straight hair are beautiful
- hating our monthly periods
- discouraging women and girls to stray from home as they grow older; for stifling curiousity
- not taking sexual abuse seriously
- failing to promote healthy relationships between women and men outside of the boundaries of sex
- not teaching women and men to engage in dialogues about emotional needs and sex throughout relationships
- never telling us that it is okay to change our minds
- never telling us that it is okay to be unconventional
- never telling us that we don't always need your approval

i could go on and on, but i've run out of time. feel free to add to the list. my purpose is to continue the dialogue of creating emotionally strong and secure girls and women who feel entitled to live happy, healthy lives by challenging patriarchy, heterosexism, classism, ageism, and religious discrimination in addition to racism...

i'm going through an angry phase. cuba always seems to do something to me... the first time it was because i felt isolated from those around me. this time it was the transition from living fairly worry and stress-free to being inundated with lists of of tasks to complete. even more, it's dealing with the differences i share with my closest friends and our perspectives on social issues, capitalism, and morality.

needless to say, i've been angry with the church. i have no desire to go. i've had to make a conscious effort to talk to God on a regular basis - to thank him for my daily progress towards success and growth and happiness. but it's hard to separate the two. i'm tired of moralistic judgements people pass on others. even more irritating is the ignorance people allow to come out of their mouths. how does it affect you if a person loves another of the same sex? why are you better than someone else who has chosen to sleep with multiple partners? who really thinks that it is cute to suggest that "bisexuals are just being greedy"? and why is there something wrong with people whose lifelong ambitions aren't getting married and raising babies with the opposite sex? i just don't understand how people allow themselves to become so preoccupied with the lifestyles of others that have absolutely no affect on their lives. why the intolerance? why not focus on larger issues, like the people around us who are struggling?