daydreaming

i see love everywhere... the couples who laugh with each other over coffee. who kiss in the car in front of me at a stoplight. who walk the dog through town lake at the end of the day. the men whose faces glow as they say goodbye at the airport. the guy who strokes his girlfriend's hair ...and it makes me smile

i can't help but be distracted by all the shades of green that color the hills on my drive home. the flowers growing on the sides of the road. how the light reflects off the tall building on 2222 near mopac (especially in the early evening). the vivid sunsets that change with every second and last only briefly. the stars that mark the sky at night... i am reminded that there are bigger things in life than bills and books and dissertations

i miss love. sometimes i crave it. waking up in the middle of the night and feeling the heat of another person... hearing them breathe. sharing jokes in bed the next morning. curling up in front of a movie. knowing that someone cares to hear how your day went... and having someone, in just a sentence, make you feel special in a way that no grade/parent/friend/new pair of shoes can... i miss how the energy from knowing someone "likes" you gets you through the day... the potential emotional stability and security it brings. the regularity... i miss kisses that come without warning. laughing. exchanging smiles.

i miss the surprise of my last love that happened briefly with a cuban. though i'm still in recovery, i miss the intensity of the early moments of my second love. but i miss the depth of my first love the most - the one that outlasted the honeymoon phase, yet still made me glow years later; that gave me life lessons i still practice today; that taught me that love has to be built, nurtured, and fought for...

and i've been frustrated because i felt that i might have been close to it again. but the reality is that i'm getting ready to travel in and out of the country for the next year. and the reality is sobering... i may not see love for awhile. and i'll admit that the thought - the uncertainty terrifies me... but someday love and i will cross paths again

so for now i dream... and wait patiently