lost in translation

chris and i broke up last night. i told him that there was a sense of urgency on my side, which was why i needed to see him, but that he seemed to lack the same feelings. he was too complacent. i told him we needed to take a break until he could come see me and we could work out our issues face to face. i was tired of putting up with his excuses for why he couldn't come visit, or even give me a date to visit him. i was tired of his not having a job; of his not being motivated; of his disinterest in my life. i was tired of being young and in a committed relationship that was going nowhere. i feel guilty because of what i may have done to him. but i don't even know how he feels because he shut down weeks ago. and that was partically my fault- i pushed him away. if we are meant to be we'll come back together at another time when we're different people. i don't think so, though. i'm kind of numb. i don't really want to talk about it anymore.