what would jesus do?

lately i keep having hearing and reading conversations about the purpose of life... purpose? i think, "who cares?". i think, "what's the point in trying to look for a deep meaning?". for me, what is important is not the meaning, but what i do with my life. i don't know if that makes sense... what do we hope to get out of knowing the "meaning" of life? clarity? direction? happiness? yolanda (adams) said that it's not about reaching the end of the journey, but experiencing the process. my advisor said that sometimes you take classes and wonder what it's going to do for you, and you don't realize until the end how it helped you. that's how i'm starting to look at life. sometimes i wonder why the hell i'm in grad school, why i didn't pursue my childhood dreams of being a fashion designer or a magazine editor, why i don't just open a coffee shop or go move to a mediterranean village. but then i think of the people that i've met, the experiences that i've having, and the person that i am daily becoming. and that's how i know that i am where i am supposed to be.

so i don't really care about the meaning; i care about how i live my life and the decisions that i make to evolve in the the type of person worthy of god's love. i want to become more compassionate like jesus - call me corny, but i look to him as a leader of the revolution just as i would toni cade or malcolm x or che... or even mother theresa. i struggle not to give into the temptation to live a completely self-centered lifestyle focused on acquiring material wealth. but what about cute shoes? ...and i want to help change the academy to make marginalized groups valued both as students in the classroom and in books as subjects of study. but what about tenure, salaries, and recognition? i want to never feel that being rich is more important than living my dreams, that wearing clever outfits is never more important than noticing that the person next to you is struggling, that i'm never too perfect to embrace another perspective and change, that i'm never too busy to know whether my friends and family are healthy and happy, and that the world is never to screwed up to fix... i want to appreciate good food and wine while helping children learn how to read, and to save for a house while giving money to help send black women to college... what would jesus do if he lived here today with us? would he live with the poor?, because i don't know if that would help (and i honestly don't know if i could do that). would he become rich like oprah so he could give back? would he become a teacher? would he start an ngo like daison? would he fight the government that has so many of us distracted from the use of our tax money to kill and pursue economic ventures for their friends? would he be a poet? what would jesus think of me? i guess i won't know until it's over and done... i want to become a person that god would approve of... but, who is that person?

p.s. i knot that this is really random and has nothing to do with my post, but i just saw a hip-hop old-head walk by... but he was white. picture a tall thin middle-age white man with a pharell-type hat cocked to the side, baggy jeans, a big t-shirt, and sneakers, but with classes and a brief case. i wish i took a picture.